Thursday, September 24, 2009

Bullies are not the victims

Momma knows that bullies exist, and they need help to overcome their actions but let us not forget who really suffers.

Momma Explains: Bullies choose their victims and the people they pick on are victims. Victims are the ones being abused and I get very angry when the psych babble starts directing a correction toward the victim. Without bullies there would be no bullied victims. That is the fact, the victim is not guilty and there is no law against being a victim. There is however a law against being abusive. I do not want you to think that I am unaware of the probable causes of bullying, I am adamant however that the bully must be stopped not the victim. Once, one of my children was being physically hit by an older child, who was himself abused. This child had suffered and vented his frustration the only way that he knew, he hit and hurt someone else. Now, while I did have empathy toward the child's anger , I did not condone his abuse of other children. My son was smaller and younger and was frightened and ashamed that he could not "handle" the bully as so many adults seem to expect. What is wrong with our society that we expect children to fight, to defend themselves against abusers, and if they cannot, we blame the victim. One of the administrators actually advised me to have my son learn karate so he felt more secure. The problem with that kind of thinking lies in its philosophy. A child is taught a skill to defend himself, and at the same time, he is taught that the physically superior will win. It is this kind of thinking that drives a victim to seek refuge in a weapon and then use that weapon on their abuser. After all, we encouraged them to become superior so they could "take" the abuser. The real challenge in this situation comes down to using common sense. Unfortunately, all children do need some self defense skills, but they also need to know that authority exists to bring order and justice. The bully cannot be allowed to bully, the victim has equal rights and one of those rights is his own safety. We all need to recognize that superior strength does not live outside the law. Children who are bullies need counseling but their victims need to be protected and counseled as well.

1 comment:

  1. Hi!

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